Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

I haven't updated this blog in quite a while, but I've had several requests for recipes I've been talking about making lately, as well as what I'm doing differently that is helping with my weight loss. So, I'm going start updating more often (hopefully).

The biggest question I've had is - what's changed and why now?

In March, I turned 38. For 16 years I have seriously struggled with my weight (due to PCOS), though I have truly had body image issues since childhood. The childhood body image issues relate back to being a little chunky from about 3rd to 6th grade. I would not say I was overweight, because I wasn't, but I wasn't thin either. It was my awkward stage. After being picked on by boys, and some girls, about my weight, I started to restrict my calories in 7th grade. I was probably eating less than 1000 calories a day. In 8th grade, to prepare for poms try-outs, I ate even less. By the end of 8th grade, I was down to 118 lbs, but I looked sickly. My body build wasn't made for that weight, but when boys call you beached whale...all you care about is looking thin like the other girls in your circle.

In high school, I fought hard to stay under 130lbs. I was a pom-pom girl - and got regular exercise, but I kept my calorie intake low. Breakfast may have consisted of toast and juice or cereal. Lunch was a Snickers or bag of chili cheese Fritos and a Dr. Pepper. And supper was a small portion of whatever the family was having. Occasionally I would binge eat due to being so damn hungry - but this didn't happen often. Even at 125/130 lbs, I thought I was fat. I thought I needed to lose weight to be considered attractive. And I can remember trying to purge a few times in order to keep from gaining weight. Thankfully, I loathe throwing up and couldn't make myself do it.

My freshman year of college I think I gained about 10-15 lbs. Still, at 140/145, I was not considered overweight for my height and certainly didn't look it. My sophomore year I was a new wife and a student at MU. It wasn't until the beginning of my junior year that the weight gain really hit. In less than 1 year, I gained 70 lbs. I wasn't eating more. I was biking all over campus. I was biking to work. I was active. I was probably eating better than ever before because I cooked for my husband. But I still gained weight. I went to the doctor, and she told me I was depressed and stressed..the answer was medication - sure, for the horrible place I was emotionally and mentally maybe, but not for what was going on with my body.

For 6 years I struggled with this condition without knowing what it was. I struggled with infertility - and was told by doctors to "lose weight" then I'd get pregnant. I went on weight loss programs, I exercised, I started eating less again and would occasionally binge. I had a uterine biopsy and a bizzilion tests ran. Nothing helped. I was told I would most likely never have children. Finally, I came across an article in a Woman's Day about a disease that was affecting thousands of young women called PCOS. I took the article to my 5th Ob/Gyn in 6 years and asked him about it. He checked my symptoms, looked at my labs, and said I had correctly diagnosed myself. After about a half of year on Metfomin, I was able to get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs...twice!

I'd like to tell you that by this time (age 28), that the weight issue was under control as well, but it wasn't. Unfortunately, for those with PCOS (like many metabolic disorders), weight loss is a horrible struggle. Your body doesn't use insulin correctly, responds to stress in a more critical fashion than "normal" people, and stores fat like crazy - particularly around your middle. You are also more prone to acne, hair loss, facial hair growth, irregular cycles, and darkened patches of skin. So, from age 31 to 38, I did the same thing I had all my life...restricted calories. I didn't understand that restricting calories only made my condition worse.

Now...on to the change...over the last couple of years I've done a lot of research on PCOS. There is more awareness and resources available to those who suffer from the condition than ever before. For the last 2 years, I've said...this is the year I'm going to make the changes necessary to live a healthier, happier life. But it wasn't until this birthday, my 38th, that I put those words into action. Why? Because I've finally realized that I AM WORTH IT. That my children are worth it. That my inner peace and happiness are worth it. That I AM NOT that 12 year old girl who was called a beach whale - I'm a strong, independent, loving, creative, hard working woman who deserves everything she desires. And just like that...I decided to change.

What am I doing different?

1. I use My Fitness Pal to keep track of my calories (fat, protein, carbs) - and I MAKE MYSELF EAT all of the calories I am supposed to eat each day.
2. I upped my protein intake by adding 1 or 2 Garden of Life, RAWfit shakes a day.
3. I drink water (no soda and only the occasional unsweet tea).
4. I found a place to exercise with people who are supportive and non-judgmental, and I made a commitment to go a minimum of 4 days a week. (getting ready to start boot camp - eek!)
5. I avoid situations and people who cause discontent and/or stress in my life. 
6. I meditate.
7. I am committed to finding the joy in each day...regardless of what life throws at me!

So far, I have lost 12 lbs and a few inches in the last 25 days. I am feeling better than ever. Where are you on your journey?!